PAYDAY (and things in random order)

May. 24th, 2017 10:37 pm
aximili: Rachel Maddow jumping and happy. (Political: Rachel Maddow Jump)
[personal profile] aximili
Okay so.

Payday gets extra-exciting every-other week now because I get TWO nice paychecks.

I'm at 40+ hours each week at First Job, and Full-Time Job was forty hours this week (though, because it's bi-weekly, one of those shifts will actually fall under the next pay-period.) But Full-Time Job pays 17.75/hour. So it will still be a stupendous paycheck at 32 hours.

Plus, one is Thursday, the other is Friday, so I get to get excited about payday two days in a row twice a month.

And this week was particularly wild. Here it was:

J1: 8:00a-4:30pm
J2: 11:00p-7:13am
J1: 7:30am-4:00pm
J2: 11:00pm-3:30pm*
J1: 4:30pm-9:30pm
J2: 11:00pm-3:30pm*
J1: 4:00pm-10:00pm

*J2 goes by double shifts normally. I covered a shift Thursday that was eight hours. I didn't sleep like... At all. But it'll be a nice paycheck.




Today went pretty well, after a rough start. I was headed out to walk with Nick - we try to go most mornings.

Dad pulled me aside to make me help him find Kevin and his car to move it. His license was re-suspended because he never officially finalized things with the state he went to jail in. Because of this, my walk with Nick started really late. I felt terrible. I'd updated him on the situation, but still.

The walk with Nick was good, but I feel awful because the only thing I can think about - again - is how my brother spends all his time messing up everyone's lives. I do all this to move out, move away, and my life is still sucked into it all. (Should have worked harder on leaving the country.)

Caught a lot of omanyte - it's Rock Week.

Got back home, and Dad was still there! What happened to me having my own place?! Again: Need to pull through the next few weeks and get to a point where I can tell Dad he's free to move out. (Okay. A few weeks might be too short.)

Because of the late start to my day, I missed HIIT for the third day in a row. They actually texted me to make sure I was okay! I like this gym, you get really close with the trainers.

Work went okay. I was a bit distracted. I'd brought the CNA packet to relay the information to Arla - but she wasn't there. Amanda wasn't there either - if she were, I'd have asked if she'd had been interested in trying to go with us. I think she's more into computers and math, but still.

There are a lot of RNs in the area and other medical staff, so I was asking them all what their scrubs are like. (Red Cross requires you wear scrubs, obviously.) The consensus of everyone I asked is to go with WINK. So I'll see if I can find them in Red Cross colors. She said white top, red pants (the red pants are the hard part), and a long-sleeve shirt that can be white, red, or black.

Saw Jordan at the very end of my shift, but I let him believe he had been stealthy and I hadn't seen him and vice versa. It's too late for it to not be awkward. The main thing I worry about is that I made him mad.

See, what I think was, he didn't care. He kept unintentionally blowing me off, because it kept slipping his mind over people he'd rather see, places he'd rather be, other things he'd rather be doing. And there were always excuses, and some were very good and some were very bad, but in the end, when people or obligations slip your mind, it means you don't care about it.

Well, that hurts to be the person that someone couldn't be bothered to remember (at least, when you like the person forgetting.) But it's not something we have control over.

That was why I came to the decision I did. It wasn't being mad so much as just needing to move on with my life and focus on people who know I exist even when I don't force them to. People who would actually notice if I disappeared. People who follow through.

I need to work on that last one myself. Keeping the promises I am making to myself, I mean. Forcing myself out.

What scares me, why I still worry about this at all, is what if I really pissed him off? If I pissed him off what are the consequences?

Well. If I did piss him off, I did it months ago, so hopefully he's over it. If I'm being nice about it, and assuming there's nothing malicious going on like him having made fun of me or spilled any and all secrets he knew about me, etc... When I think from that perspective, I think he's avoiding me because the last time we made eye contact, I think the pain was pretty clear to him even if Tigger, Ty, and his co-worker didn't notice.

Except, if that were true, wouldn't he have responded at some point so that I knew he wasn't mad? Which leads me to wondering if he's being malicious, what does being malicious entail?

This is why I prefer uncomfortable honesty to dishonesty any day.




So, currently, looking at getting Red Cross uniform scrubs and binge-watching Bones.

Wednesday Reading Meme

May. 24th, 2017 04:24 pm
sineala: Detail of Harry Wilson Watrous, "Just a Couple of Girls" (reading)
[personal profile] sineala
What I Just Finished Reading

Nothing!

What I'm Reading Now

Black Panther #14, Captain America: Steve Rogers #17, Infamous Iron Man #8, Mighty Captain Marvel #5, Secret Warriors #2, X-Men Blue #4 )

What I'm Reading Next

Still nothing! It would be nice to read something! Maybe I will!

So very subtle, brain

May. 24th, 2017 11:48 am
ysobel: (Default)
[personal profile] ysobel
I started to suspect part of my fatigue and brain fog problem right now may be a UTI -- no pain, very few of the usual symptoms, but cloudy pee that smells funny is not a good sign -- and I've been wondering if I should message my doctor and see if I can get tested and, assuming I do have one, get on antibiotics. I don’t like taking antibiotics, but I’ve suspected possible UTI for at least a week and it’s not going away on its own, and it’s probably not a good idea to let an infection go untreated just because it’s not painful.

Then last night I had a dream where I took Monkey to a specialized vet because -- and my subconscious is being super subtle here -- I had two weeks earlier taken her to my regular vet, who thought she had a UTI but there were two tests and one said yes and one said no so they weren’t sure but suggested I go to this other place, but I waited until after I got back from a week-long trip that included going to some sort of conference; and the new vet was yelling at me about how I needed to take better care of my cat, I should have canceled the trip and brought her in right away, blah blah blah.

No cats were harmed in the making of this dream, but, like I said: subtle. I wonder what it means...

(Called my doctor’s office, which was a hassle and a half -- partly because I don’t have most of the typical UTI symptoms like pain or burning or urgency, partly because they kept wanting me to make an appointment and I kept having to say “I am disabled and can’t give a urine sample at the doctor’s office, she’s going to want a urine test anyway so I should do that first, I’m fine with making an appointment but I want to get the urine test done first yes I fucking well ‘have trouble walking’ I am in a fucking wheelchair and can’t fucking use regular toilets what the fuck (paraphrased; I didn’t swear), my doctor is familiar with my circumstances please just send her a message” -- it would have been less work to message her myself (“suspect uti, please order test”) but that doesn’t always get seen the same day. We shall see what happens.)

#

In other news: For all that I am way behind on making the yarny stuff I want to make, I find myself wanting to make a small stuffed bunny for someone I’ve never met. (I don’t remember if I posted here or not about the 11 year old girl with FOP that was in ICU because of complications of parainfluenza and FOP-created scoliosis, and she had to be intubated, which can cause FOP issues but was kind of a Hail Mary as it was? She’s still in the PICU and will be for a while, but she’s doing better; got extubated yesterday and is on bipap, and in much better shape, though there’s still a long way to go. I asked her mom what her favorite animal and color are (bunnies/turkeys and pink/purple respectively) because I just … I don’t know, want to do something for her. And a crocheted pink bunny seems doable?)

Creating Gordian knots

May. 24th, 2017 06:38 pm
branchandroot: oak against sky (Default)
[personal profile] branchandroot
Spent an hour or two this morning figuring out how to make Jingyan’s life harder, aka the political situation one year post-canon. And, in fact, it was really easy to envision several significant messes, because with only two of the ‘cabinet’ level ministers replaced, the Ministries promise to still be a snake’s nest, albeit a slightly intimidated one.

Actually, I take immense pleasure in imagining that the Minister of Rites walks in mortal terror that Marquis Yan will give him a stern look or something, because Yan stepping back into court affairs has got to have everyone in the older generation running around yelling “Fear! Fire! Flood! OMG, we’re all gonna die!” behind the scenes, plus now he’s spent years studying ritual.

I also like to think, though, that Yu’s wife’s brother is still in charge of the Review Court and is making life a petty, picayune /pain in the ass/ at every opportunity, and god but Cai wants to throw him off a tower, and Shen is rubbing his forehead and reminding everyone that they’re supposed to be /civilized beings/ here, and Jingyan is acting like he totally wasn’t about to hand Cai a sword, annoyances, for the stabbing of, no of course not.

Plus, of course, the Minister of War was a supporter of the old Crown Prince and is /sure/ to be on the take somehow. So many lovely possibilities for military affairs to be fucked up right when a) they really need to be solid and b) Jingyan can’t go kick things into shape in person any more. *sadistic happy sparkles*

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FMK #13: First Book in the Series

May. 23rd, 2017 05:30 pm
melannen: Commander Valentine of Alpha Squad Seven, a red-haired female Nick Fury in space, smoking contemplatively (Default)
[personal profile] melannen
Last week's F winner was Juniper Time by Kate Wilhelm! Should be interesting; it's one where I have no idea why I own it or why I kept it. K was Alas, Babylon.

Since I will be away from my book collection for the next two weeks, there will be an FMK break; next poll should go up June 12. I will keep reading and possibly posting reactions, though - the plan is to take the K books that I really wanted to read first with me on the trip, and leave them there.

This week's poll: Books where I own only the first book in the series (and have read none of them.)

How FMK works, short version: I am trying to clear out my unreads. So there is a poll, in which you get to pick F, M, or K. F means I should spend a night of wild passion with the book ASAP, and then decide whether to keep it or not. M means I should continue to commit to a long-term relationship of sharing my bedroom with it. K means it should go away immediately. Anyone can vote, you don't have to actually know anything about the books.

I pick a winner on Friday night (although won't actually close the poll, people can still vote,) and report results/ post the new poll on the following Tuesday, and write a response to the F winner sometime in the next week.

Link to long version of explanation (on first poll)

Poll: Banks, Barnes, Cherryh, Czerneda, Doyle & MacDonald, Eddings, Gardner, Hines, Lynn, McGuire, Niven, Scott & Barnett, Weber )

Signing Up For CNA Training

May. 23rd, 2017 01:37 pm
aximili: Rachel Maddow with glasses. (Political: Rachel Maddow Blue and Glasse)
[personal profile] aximili
I finally got myself out to the NAT session today. Unfortunately, the only two locations that I think will be near enough for me are Long Beach and San Bernardino.

I'll talk to management about temporarily altering my schedule so as to only work evenings M-F.

I'm not sure I'll be able to manage retail if I'm also in nursing school.

Knitting project!

May. 23rd, 2017 02:57 pm
melannen: Commander Valentine of Alpha Squad Seven, a red-haired female Nick Fury in space, smoking contemplatively (Default)
[personal profile] melannen
I finished knitting my first sweater! It's a lopapeysa (= sweater knitted out of loosely-spun unplied Icelandic wool, usually knitted bottom-up in the round with a circular yoke and patterned stranded colorwork.)

Here are pictures of my beautiful models!

a very grumpy cat wearing a beautiful wool cat sweater

a different cat in the same beautiful cat sweater flopped over with her legs straight out like she is petrified

(Sorry about the photo quality, I promised them they would only ever have to wear it long enough for one good picture each and then my camera's phone app kept freezing and I felt guilty.)
syntheid: [text] the intp (myers briggs) (intp)
[personal profile] syntheid
Duolingo finally released a Japanese course, currently only available for iOS. I've been curious what they'd do for that for ages, so I immediately took their placement test to start the course. Background, so you know where I'm coming from: I've been studying Japanese for a hell of a long time, and I'm ... middling at it, been stuck in the intermediate plateau for years because I haven't been able to devote much time to study. Kinda hovering around N3 level, though I have yet to actually pass the N3. But I can get around and have some conversations depending on the topic and read things depending on the vocab. And I've tried a lot of different tools and courses between my formal education at university and my self study.

Also, after I was placed, I found the things I missed were either me making a stupid mistake I did know but failed to input correctly, or me incorrectly guessing what English sentence structure they were intending me to respond with. So instead of going through the rest of the course normally, I tested out of each topic individually, which took me between 1 and 3 tries for each topic. Again depending largely on my luck in guessing what English sentence structure they were looking for. Except for the Olympics topic, which I knew I didn't know much terminology on, so I completed that one normally. It took me around 3 hours to complete everything.

The tl;dr version is that it seems like a decent introduction to Japanese, but the amount of material it covers is approximately the amount we covered in my first month or two of material in the beginning class at college with focus on somewhat different topics. My guess is, based on my experience with the Russian course, that you'll still want to study hiragana and katakana on your own outside of it, but it does provide a relatively gentle introduction to the characters and the entire course is using them, so you'll get practice in reading. If you're looking for just an intro or practice reviewing basics, this would be fine. But don't expect to come out of this course with anything more than basic/travel Japanese. You will sound oddly formal, but understandable, and be able to read... nothing, really, with the amount of kanji and grammar they teach.

some detail )

It's a little difficult for me to compare to their other courses since I haven't completed any others, but also just this course seems sparse on content. As a general Duolingo critique, I'd love to see some of the features that are available in languages like Spanish (or possibly only Spanish?) in other courses, really. Such as the interactive chat bots and speech detection. The speech detection is somewhat spotty in my experience-- I've said things in English to the iOS version that it counted as correct Spanish, but the Android version seemed better at detecting me saying the actual words-- but if they could improve it that would be also nice to have elsewhere. (Russian, please!) Also, give us something else to do with lingots.

*rubs hands* Onward to romance!

May. 23rd, 2017 04:38 pm
branchandroot: oak against sky (Default)
[personal profile] branchandroot
Okay, now we’re cooking with slash! I mean, not that we weren’t already, because all you have to do is put Jingyan and Lin Shu in vague proximity and the air pretty much fills with hearts and flowers. But I’ve finally gotten to the point where /someone/ actually notices how bad they’ve got it for each other.

The someone is, of course, Nihuang. Because Jingyan is too self-sacrificing for his own damn good and Lin Shu may not have quite /processed/ all the back-to-life implications. If Nihuang were from the US south, she’d be saying things like “god love ‘em” and possibly even blessing their hearts. As it is, she’s smiling the “I know something you don’t know” smile and looking forward to maybe making Jingyan snarf his tea by mentioning her knowledge at a tactically decisive moment. Just possibly in terms of expanding Lin Shu’s harem, if the opportunity presents, because a fine tradition of teasing Jingyan within an inch of his life should not be let to die.

Have I mentioned that I like Nihuang quite a lot?

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(no subject)

May. 23rd, 2017 11:48 am
jadelennox: Senora Sabasa Garcia, by Goya (Default)
[personal profile] jadelennox
This speech by New Orleans Mitch Landrieu, on the removal of Confederate statues from the city, is 100% worth all the buzz about it. It's worth the 20 minutes to listen, or there's a transcript of his remarks. (Remarks start at 2:52; you can't embed a timestamp in an embed.




It is a beautiful speech on loving the South's history without revering Lost Causism or ignoring darkness past and present.

A thing I had not previously realised

May. 23rd, 2017 04:13 pm
kaberett: Lin Beifong crying (lin-tear)
[personal profile] kaberett
You know the way tear are an excretionary mechanism for Nope Too Much Of That Emotion Let's Have Less Of It? No, they really are, maybe: emotional tears contain more misc hormonal wossnames. Have an art project!

Here is a delightful thing

May. 23rd, 2017 09:38 am
rydra_wong: The display board of a train reads "this train is fucked". (this train is fucked)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
Via [tumblr.com profile] violent-darts:

AV Club: Meme becomes reality as Netflix orders Lupita Nyong’o and Rihanna’s con artist movie

Because we need it this morning.

Fuck terrorism, fuck Katie Hopkins and her vile cohorts, pre-emptively fuck Trump because presumably he's going to make some sort of statement about Manchester at some point and it's going to be awful (or at best the kind of vacuous blandness that means they've managed to make him stick to a script for a few moments), go awesome black women and making movies happen through the power of Twitter and delight.

May all the surviving kids at the concert be safe and reunited with their families soon and participating in the proud British tradition of recounting acts of terrorism in terms of the epic journeys that had to be taken because public transport was shut down (a la 7/7 -- Americans: "We weep for you!" British people: "I had to walk for FIVE HOURS").

ETA: Oh fuck they let him write at least part of it. Yes, of course Buttercup thinks the worst thing you can call someone is a "loser". Because winning is all that counts, and Buttercup is the winningest winner ever. Losing means you're wrong because winning is right.
sineala: (Avengers: Tony Fucking Stark)
[personal profile] sineala
The People Who Would Keep Us on Our Knees (2451 words) by Sineala
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, Avengers (Comics)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark
Additional Tags: Hydra Steve Rogers, Mind Control, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Angst, Not A Fix-It, Civil War II (Marvel), Secret Empire (Marvel), Avengers Vol. 7 (2016), Community: cap_ironman, Cap-Ironman Bingo
Summary: Tony wakes from his coma and finds a very different world than the one he remembers. Steve's in charge now. And Steve has missed him.

La la la, I was sad and grumpy and couldn't sleep so I wrote Hydra Cap fic, la la la, everyone on Tumblr's going to unfollow me, la la la, I spent half an hour staring at the Post button on AO3 because everyone's going to unfollow me, la la la.

(My Cap-IM Bingo line had the square "mind-controlled sex." Hydra Cap is the only iteration of Steve who I thought would ever be up for that.)
sineala: (Avengers: Sign it)
[personal profile] sineala
So the Stony Trumps Hate auction is proceeding apace and I currently have high bid on a couple vids because I want aaaaall the comics vids. But we will see how this goes. *crosses fingers*

What several people have come up with, endorsed by the auction mods, is the idea of forming bidding "pods" -- basically, people who want the same thing pooling their bids to try to win one of the people who would otherwise go for more than they can afford separately. For example, a bunch of people are going in on Kiyaar to get her to finish Sins of Omission, which sounds great to me. A lot of people seem to want to use this to get sequels and/or WIPs completed, which is kind of fun. I am excited about it, anyway. And I think the idea of cooperatively pooling bids is great.

The hilarious thing is, I personally seem to have broken the cooperative bidding. Because, there are, by my count, at least four groups that all want different things from me:


  1. Some kind of sequel to Like a Comet Streaming On (the psychic wolves AU). I don't personally know the person interested in this, so I don't know what they want, but I assume wolfy fluff?
  2. Kiyaar has started a pod bid for a sequel to Straight on till Morning (the Star Trek AU). I actually have a novel-length sequel outlined that I have had no time to write (it involves Don Blake's other identity, mysterious kidnappings of several people including Tony, Section 31, Bucky's fate in this universe, and a ton of angst) and Kiyaar definitely wants this, so provided that bidders are okay with waiting possibly a long time, I would be happy to write that.
  3. There is also interest in a sequel to Double Time (you remember, that Civil War fixit). You will probably be unsurprised to learn that I have had also a novel-length sequel planned out for this -- this outline is a little sketchier (and honestly probably shorter) than the Trek one, but it is all 616 and involves Director/Commander, the Secret Invasion, and a lot of yelling at the Illuminati. It's been a while since I've thought about it. Again, it's one of those things I haven't had time to write, but I could! It would also take a while.
  4. And finally, someone (*significant look at Magicasen*) wants a Kimi no Na wa/Your Name AU. Which is not a sequel to anything I have written, but would also be great.


No pressure or anything, right? Right. *looks at WIP list* I have seriously just mapped out my writing commitments up through December.

But that's not the most hilarious thing. The REALLY hilarious thing, to me, which Sparrow pointed out, is that being in multiple bidding pods for the same creator actually has no conflict. Since the creator is only making one thing (I mean, I am, anyway), only the winning bidder or bidder group actually has to pay. So you can put your name in for me writing two or three different things, but since I'm only writing whichever one wins, you're only paying for whichever one wins, assuming you're in on the one that wins. Like, if you put $20 in every pod bidding on me (say, because you like the sound of all four of those stories and you want to give to charity), you're only going to be out $20 no matter what. Awesome. Weird, but awesome.

Anyway, if you personally wanted to bid on me and you want to get in one or more of those groups -- or create your own, for me or anyone else, there's a post on Imzy (currently missing details for the last two of those pods but they should be going up shortly) where the groups are organizing themselves, and there's a Discord chat where participants are convening. I think a lot of the coordination is going on privately over Discord and/or Tumblr; I think people are PMing the pod organizers with their bid amounts and so on.

I guess I should post about this on Tumblr, though for that I will wait until all the details are up.

Newly local characters

May. 22nd, 2017 03:13 pm
azurelunatic: The (old) Tacoma Narrows Bridge, intact but twisted. (Tacoma)
[personal profile] azurelunatic
Once I move at the beginning of June, there will be a new local set of people.


Me: y'all know me. Lunatic, infovore. Gender: no thank you. Pronoun set: plural-they.

Partner: a witty, kind geekfolk, fascinated by books and shows and links and sports and hardware and eking every last ounce of usefulness out of old gear. I have known them for about 10 years at this point. Infovore. Gender: has a lot of oppressive constructs which should be BURNED THE FUCK DOWN while not endangering the vulnerable folks who depend on some of its supportive ones. Pronoun set: anonymous-they.

Metamour: has been seeing my partner since February-ish. Met them over a game of CAH; knew they had to be friends when they had pretty much the same answer. Witty, beautiful. Likes baking. Gender: woman. Pronoun set: she/her.

Tay-Tay: my younger (biological) sister, and soon to be my roommate. I say she is my "baby" sister but she's actually a year older than my partner. Violinist and general ball of energy. Short and tiny; I can kind of lift her in one arm so she can be on eye level with my partner. Gender: probably woman-ish and she likes kicking over gender norms and dancing on top. Pronoun set: she/her.

The Kitten: a small, loud, grey indoor lap cat who loves my partner and will punch people who try to pet her without her permission. Previous owners declawed her. She is food-insecure, and cannot be left to free-feed. She's antisocial to other cats. She does not like Master Jerkface very much at all. She is most often found perched on the back of my partner's desk chair and getting hair on their jacket, on my partner's lap with her tail in their face demanding to be petted, or on top of them when they're asleep.

Master Jerkface (and other equally unflattering nicknames): the abusive ex of my beloved partner. I hope to not meet them. Gender: they have one. Pronoun set: as used here, anonymous-they.

The Man-Child: Tay's boyfriend, who I didn't hear about in the context of a Relationship until September 2016, literally as I was coming back from the Oakland radiation oncology department. Musician, outdoorsy hiker type. A few decades too old for man-childishness to be excused. Gender: man, probably. Pronoun set: he/him.


Team Partner: a bunch of people who came together to help my partner in their hour of need. They include:

an old internet friend of mine who reads the Vorkosigan books
their wife
a friend of theirs

The first hosts: one of my partner's former co-workers who went into tech and her husband

The second hosts: another co-worker-ish person and her husband


Assorted now-local friends of mine include:

Mr. Zune: a former co-worker from Virtual Hammer who is now at the SEA-TAC outpost as his career was portable
Mr. Zune's Girlfriend: got a dream job in the Seattle area

[livejournal.com profile] tygerr: an old friend and Listee
[livejournal.com profile] tygerr's wife: an excellent and fun geek lady

Carnelian: a friend of mine from the late 90s; we had various different paths in life but now we're talking again and comparing notes.
Terezi: Carnelian's daughter, who infamously needed two stacked baby gates to keep her contained as a toddler. Now a proud teenage tumblr bb. (I haven't seen her in Many Years, but I'm likely to run into her more often now.)

Various #dw, #dw_kvetch, and #lj_s folk!!!

Viv is awesome

May. 22nd, 2017 04:20 pm
metawidget: me, Oscar, Elizabeth with Viv in front (family)
[personal profile] metawidget
Viv and Oscar have been out playing at a neighbour's place today, leaving us to be ruled by delightful Ada. But I wanted to record a couple of fun Viv moments.

First, when discussing bugs in the kitchen, she wanted to know if ants have necks. Siri had trouble parsing the question, but a little searching got a yes answer — and those necks are apparently very strong.

Second, she wanted to play Set this morning… and she pretty much figured it out (on the solid-only deck) and was able to pick out sets and explain why (or work out what was wrong with them when she made a mistake).

Smart and delightful kid.

Haunted By My Mother's Ghosts

May. 22nd, 2017 03:21 pm
laguera25: Dug from UP! (Default)
[personal profile] laguera25
It's started again. Of course it has. Now that she's decided to pull up stakes again and move back to Florida, my mother is badgering me to do the same. It started this morning with a wheedling, disingenuous email enumerating the myriad wonders of Florida living and a nice, two-bedroom villa she found. Since she just told Roomie a few days ago that she bought a new villa next to my grandmother's, I suspect they are one and the same, and that though she bought the villa for herself, she'll now couch it in terms of having done it for me all along. Mysteriously-multiplying villas aside, she extolled the virtues of living near dozens of restaurants, bemoaned my limited lifestyle, and emphasized the presence of "medical care."

The stridency of this last item baffles me. I'm nearing forty, not seventy. I've always thought that when I was a young child, perhaps even an infant, the doctors(perhaps even the same pitiless oafs who told her not to name me since I wasn't long for the world)told her that I wouldn't live much past forty, and now that the appointed hour draws nigh, she's hoping to draw me home so that I can die in the bosom of my loving family.

Well, fuck that.

I don't know if the doctors whispered such a prophecy to her all those years ago, and even if they did, they made plenty of others that never came to pass. I'm not blind. I'm not mute. I'm not profoundly retarded. I survived. I endured. I clawed a rickety life for myself and snatched a few fragments of happiness from this hard old world. If the doctors got one right and my time is growing short, I have no intention of crawling home to spend what remains of it being smothered and steamrolled by people who thought so little of me and what I could've been that when my father drew up his will, it was not to provide for my life, but my assumed institutionalization.

If this is to be my end, then I would have it be such an end, as Theoden says before he rides out for the last time to meet the enemy. I will go to Atlanta for a last dose of Kiwi sunshine and spend time with him who loved me best and watch a few more sunsets over the mountain and read a few more books, and when it is time to quit the battle and go to meet Him who set me on this journey, I will go quietly, without fanfare. I will not be the set piece for one last drama with my mother wherein she plays the grieving mother. Let Roomie scatter my ashes in a shady spot for the ages or use them to plant a tree upon the ridge.

If she isn't preparing for my imminent demise, then I can only surmise that my grandmother's increasing frailty has raised the specter of loss, and of her own mortality and triggered yet another frantic, obsessive episode I'll have to weather. Whatever the case may be, the next few months promise to be an exhausting emotional grind.

Lucky me.
rydra_wong: The display board of a train reads "this train is fucked". (this train is fucked)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
No, a literal one, not (just) metaphorical. I had to Google to be sure. Reality is getting way too on-the-nose lately.

Also: TPM: Trump Denies He Said ‘Israel’ When He Shared Israeli Intelligence With Russia

That's right: while in Israel, Buttercup spontaneously confirmed for the press that Israel was the source of the uber-classified intel he shared with the Russians without the Israelis' permission, but he thinks it's all fine because he didn't say the word "Israel" while in the room with the Russians (just, you know, now, on TV, in front of the entire world, in case the Russians had any remaining doubt about where the intel came from), so that's okay.

(no subject)

May. 22nd, 2017 12:14 pm
phidari: (Default)
[personal profile] phidari
I'm getting a little tired of this username so I think I may buy a rename token. When I do, I think I'll purge my circle to get rid of all the inactive and deleted accounts -- so if you want to stay subscribed to me afterward (even if I have absolutely no idea who you are -- don't be shy!), comment here and I'll let you know after I rename so you can do so.
melannen: Commander Valentine of Alpha Squad Seven, a red-haired female Nick Fury in space, smoking contemplatively (Default)
[personal profile] melannen
I keep trying to write up my response to Castle in the Air but basically I really liked it a lot and it was great, also there was a very angry kitten, and the things I want to talk about it end up being complicated structural/worldbuilding questions that go beyond just this book. So I think I will just do a short three things capsule and save the drafts for more pondering:

Castle in the Air by Diana Wynne Jones )

Contrast this to the other YA series I finished in the last couple weeks, Laurence Yep's Dragon of the Lost Sea series, which has been my nemesis since I was about nine because the library had ONLY THE THIRD BOOK, which BEGAN AND ENDED AT CLIFFHANGERS, and twenty-five years later I had still only managed to find one of the others, plus Yep kept publishing books with "Dragon" in the title that were super-realistic stories about the Asian-American experience and I am sure they were great and all but they did not have actual DRAGONS in them so that was a terrible bait-and-switch, Mr. Yep. Anyway I finally went wait, I am a grown-up and a librarian now so I can just ILL them if I want.

Dragon of the Lost Sea by Laurence Yep )

I also read Captain Blood for FMK yesterday! It is another one that I really liked, and tbh I liked it too much to want to think about it in a critical way as opposed to a squee way. So here are three things for it too:

Captain Blood by Rafael Sabatini )

Also despite 1922 Captain Blood was way better on both race and gender than the community theater production of Peter Pan I went to see a friend in yesterday, so, you know, that was a thing where they had elementary school kids wear feather headbands and say "ugh" lot, it definitely was.

Last weekend I also saw Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and Dr. Strange, because I have the best friends.

Guardians of the Galaxy )

Dr. Strange )

Also I now really really need the story where Thor is fucking his way though all the Infinity Stone bearers. I may possibly even need to write it myself. ;_;


Let's see, what else have I been meaning to post about here? Oh! I did read Makt Myrkranna and Pale Guardian, did I post about them?

Makt Myrkranna, the early Icelandic Dracula translation, managed to be a better Dracula story than Dracula, I think. Vilma was great. Also possibly helped by the fact that Iceland has much more of a living tradition of revenants, maybe, so it felt more like it was part of a vampire tradition? IDK. Also I apparently now know enough Icelandic that I could immediately tell when the translation footnotes were screwed up and referenced to the wrong part of the text.

Pale Guardian was the new Ashers novel. 1) That continues to have the best vampire worldbuilding I have ever encountered, and she always follows it to the logical conclusion and makes it work, and she made it work on the front in WWI too; 2) The way James just accepts the fact that the London vampires basically treat him as one of their own at this point was really good character development? 3) He REALLY needs to catch up with the other two and realize he is in a poly triad not a poly V already.

...and that is probably enough.

Before I leave for Iceland on Sunday I still have both Becky Chambers books and two FMK to read and also to decide whether to actually read that Falco book I checked out right before I read the last one and she made it weird, or return it unread.

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